Why Did The Chicken Cross the Road?

Courtesy of my aunt.

BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a
change! The chicken wanted change!


JOHN MC CAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he
recognized the need to engag e in cooperation and dialogue with all the
chickens on the other side of the road.


HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little
chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified
to ensure right from Day One! that every chicken in this country gets
the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't
about me.


GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road.
We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not.
The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground
here.

DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?

COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the
satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken. What is your
definition of chicken?

AL GORE: I invented the chicken.

JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now
against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the
chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that
he must firs t deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes
after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help
him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his current problems
before adding new problems.

OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is
why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn
from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to
give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live
his life like the rest of the chickens.

ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we
have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was
going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when
the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider
information.

DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain
truth? That's why they call it the other side. Yes, my friends, that
chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay, too. I say we
boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal
media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like the other side.That
chicken should not be crossing the road. It's as plain and as simple as
that.

GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody
told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be
listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story
of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish
its lifelong dream of crossing the road.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together,
in peace.

BILL GATES: I have just released chickens 2008, which will not only cross
roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your
checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken 2008. This
new platform is much more stable and will never crash or need to be rebooted.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road
move beneath the chicken?

COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?